First of many...

I'm pretty sure many moms remember the first day their son or daughter went off to daycare. They have this gut wrenching feeling - will he remember me when I pick him up? Will the daycare provider know how to soothe him? Will he be happy?

With two dry eyes, I pulled into Mrs. Feny's driveway and let out a big sigh. Levi was screaming in the back seat (maybe he was crying for both of us). As I pulled all of the stuff out of the trunk, Mrs. Feny was practically running down the driveway - "Good Morning!! Levi! I'm so excited to see you!" Again, a big sigh...this time of relief. I have a VERY good feeling that Mrs. Feny is a perfect match for us. She seems very genuine with Levi. She was so concerned when she saw his brace when she met him earlier this summer and was SO happy to see him this morning.

After informing her of Levi's antics, I said my goodbye to my smiling boy and walked back to my car. I turned around one last time only to see that Levi wasn't smiling anymore. He was staring at me with a furrowed brow and if he could speak I think he would have been saying, "where are you going, Mommy?" It was heartbreaking.

I promised myself I wasn't going to call and check in. If I let myself - I would probably have called every hour. After watching a LOT of meaningless, trashy television that had built up on my DVR and a quick lunch with my boss, I jumped out of bed at 3:40 to go and pick up Levi. As much as I enjoyed the time to myself, I missed my little man.

Mrs. Feny writes a report of the daily happenings in a spiral notebook that now has "LEVI" on the cover:

Welcome to the First Day in Feny Daycare (9.7.2010)

WHAT I DID TODAY:

When I came, I seemed to be: HAPPY.

I ate at:

8:30 am (3oz)

10:30 am (3oz)

12:30 pm (3oz)

2:50 pm (3oz)

I changed at:

9:30 am

11:15 (dirty diaper)

2:15

I slept from:

8:50 am - 9:15 am

12:30 pm - 2:10 pm

During the day, I enjoyed the following activities:

- In the morning, I had tummy time for 10 minutes.

- I liked looking at my black and white book during tummy time.

- I was happy to see Kaysan (her son) say "hi" to me.

- We went for a walk at the park.

- I liked looking around the park.

- We played music and Mrs. Feny sang "Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star"

- I love when Mrs. Feny talks to me. I was happy & laughing.

- We read the book about "Eye Spy an Octupus"

While Michael and I go and make money to support this little guy, I have confidence that Levi is in good hands....and there is nothing better than knowing what he's doing all day :) This woman is good - she actually got Levi to take TWO naps in the crib.

I'm happy to report that we survived our first of many first days.....

Dealing.

I preface this post knowing that Levi is a healthy baby boy and I know there are babies out there that are far less fortunate than he is. When I'm having a hard time dealing with his snowboard, I try and think about those who don't have it as easy as we do.

That being said - it doesn't make my day-to-day any easier. Yes, I know this will pass. Yes, I know that Levi won't remember a thing. Yes, I know that all this hard work will result in perfect feet. But it's hard to keep my eyes on the prize when Levi can't soothe himself back to sleep in the middle of the night. When his foot slips half way out of his shoe and causes him discomfort. When he can't kick his left foot independently from his right and screams in frustration. When it's obvious he's unhappy with the snowboard on because when we take it off it's instant calm, coos and smiles. While the day-to-day is hard for me and sometimes Levi (he's starting to have more fun with the bar - see previous post), I do have to keep in the back of my head that it is working and all of the words of encouragement from friends and family.

Here is a picture of Levi on our way to his first doctor's appointment. He is five days old.

Here is Levi (day 97) coming home from Michael's first scrimmage (he's the JV Soccer coach at QO - Go Cougars!).

Important to note - Levi is sleeping in both pictures. At Day 5 (and many days after that), he pulled his feet in and held them there for comfort. You'll see at Day 97 - he's comfortable with them sitting in the "correct" position. Huge progress. Huge.

A new toy....

Proud Mama

Levi rolled over once before he got his snowboard on....Michael hadn't seen it and I didn't catch it on film.....but I caught it on Thursday! Four days shy of his three month birthday, Levi is mobile!

Here are some still shots from Thursday morning (8.20.10)

And a video from Wednesday afternoon (8/19/10)

Confession

It's 7:16 am. I took the snowboard off at 3:15 am.

I feel so guilty but he was so sad and I couldn't take it anymore.

Going to put them back on now.....

Overcoming a Dreadful Feeling...

As most of you know - I played field hockey at UNC. Similar to labor, my body was pushed to the limit every August when we reported for preseason and had to run the Guantlet (A mile in 6 mintues, a minute rest. A half mile in 3 minutes, a minute rest. A quarter mile in a minute and a half, a minute rest. 200 yards in 35 seconds, a minute rest. 10 40 yard shuttles in under 10 seconds with a 30 second rest in between). Just writing about it makes my stomach turn. I DREADED the Guantlet more than anything I've ever dreaded in my life. I'd spend all summer gearing up to run this fitness test, only (sadly) to never pass (I wasn't far off...just didn't hit all of the times that were required). Ask me to do it today and HA - I'd simply laugh in your face.

I experienced this similar dread earlier this week. No, not because I had to run a guantlet (who would EVER just run that for fun??) but because I had to attach a bar to Levi's shoes that will keep his feet locked in position for 23 hours a day for 6 weeks. How do you explain to a 3 month old that when he wants to bend his left leg, he has to bend his right as well? You don't.

Here is a picture (from the internet - this is not Levi) of (what we're calling) his snowboard:

After Levi woke up from our drive home from seeing Dr. Tuck to get fitted for his snowboard, the crying ensued. He cried for 7 hours, only breaking to eat. We couldn't take it anymore and against the doctor's orders - we took it off. We decided we would call Dr. Tuck in the morning - something just didn't seem right. Tuck instructed us to remove the bar and to have Levi wear just the shoes for three days to get him used to having something on his feet. Once we attached the bar again, Tuck wanted us to position Levi's feet at 40 degrees for a week or so, instead of 60 degrees where he first placed them. Again, let's gradually get him used to this new norm.

Levi was back to his old self and like him, I was smiling again. While smiling on the outside, the feeling of dread was growing as the three days came to an end. We had to do it. We had to reattach this bar. It's the only way to make Levi's feet "normal" so he's able to run, jump and go snowboarding with his Daddy later in life. It's in our hands to adjust his feet. He doesn't know it - but he's counting on us to make them better. So on Sunday, August 8th around 9pm, I put on a brave face and watched Michael attach the bar while Levi slept. I waited for the screams - but there was nothing. Maybe the decrease in the angle was making the difference. Maybe Levi has just come to accept this as his norm. Who knows - but in my eyes I have one brave little guy for a son.

Now, I can't say it's been that easy. Levi still gets frustrated. He's not sleeping through the night anymore (yes, he was on an amazing 9am - 5/6am schedule). But relatively speaking, he's doing great. I know he's not going to remember any of this....I think most of the time, I'm the one who has a harder time with it. Hey, you never know. Maybe we have the next Shaun White on our hands.....

I know there were be many times in Levi's life where I will have this feeling of dread...but I'm proud to say that I've overcome the first one. And...the best part of all this hard work - look at his progress!!

Father's Day - June 20th

Hanging out with Mommy - August 10th

A giggle and a roll....

After 5 consecutive nights of sleeping from 9pm to either 5am or 6am, Levi broke his habit. Last night the little guy was up at 1am for over an hour and up for the day at 5:30 am. Maybe one day Michael and I will learn that going to bed at 11:45pm isn't very smart when you have a newborn who doesn't have a regular sleep pattern. Sigh....

Levi is always super fun in the morning. Not that he isn't at night - but he is just a happy happy camper when the day starts. So this morning I was playing games with him to get him to crack a smile, when low and behold the familiar "I stick my tongue out at you and hope you mimic me" game turned funny. I heard the sweet sound of my baby boy laughing....

While beaming with excitement, I decided since Levi was in such a good mood, I'd put him on his tummy for tummy time. After holding his head up for what probably seemed like an eternity to him, Levi put his head face down on the mat, buried his shoulder and ROLLED from his tummy to his back. I'm not sure if his own amazement or me shrieking that made him look like he was a deer in headlights once he landed on his back. We tried to make him do it again for Michael to see, but no such luck.....

It's amazing to me that I caught both of these milestones in the same morning. Here's to a lifetime of laughs (and rolls from stomach to back???)!