Overcoming a Dreadful Feeling...

As most of you know - I played field hockey at UNC. Similar to labor, my body was pushed to the limit every August when we reported for preseason and had to run the Guantlet (A mile in 6 mintues, a minute rest. A half mile in 3 minutes, a minute rest. A quarter mile in a minute and a half, a minute rest. 200 yards in 35 seconds, a minute rest. 10 40 yard shuttles in under 10 seconds with a 30 second rest in between). Just writing about it makes my stomach turn. I DREADED the Guantlet more than anything I've ever dreaded in my life. I'd spend all summer gearing up to run this fitness test, only (sadly) to never pass (I wasn't far off...just didn't hit all of the times that were required). Ask me to do it today and HA - I'd simply laugh in your face.

I experienced this similar dread earlier this week. No, not because I had to run a guantlet (who would EVER just run that for fun??) but because I had to attach a bar to Levi's shoes that will keep his feet locked in position for 23 hours a day for 6 weeks. How do you explain to a 3 month old that when he wants to bend his left leg, he has to bend his right as well? You don't.

Here is a picture (from the internet - this is not Levi) of (what we're calling) his snowboard:

After Levi woke up from our drive home from seeing Dr. Tuck to get fitted for his snowboard, the crying ensued. He cried for 7 hours, only breaking to eat. We couldn't take it anymore and against the doctor's orders - we took it off. We decided we would call Dr. Tuck in the morning - something just didn't seem right. Tuck instructed us to remove the bar and to have Levi wear just the shoes for three days to get him used to having something on his feet. Once we attached the bar again, Tuck wanted us to position Levi's feet at 40 degrees for a week or so, instead of 60 degrees where he first placed them. Again, let's gradually get him used to this new norm.

Levi was back to his old self and like him, I was smiling again. While smiling on the outside, the feeling of dread was growing as the three days came to an end. We had to do it. We had to reattach this bar. It's the only way to make Levi's feet "normal" so he's able to run, jump and go snowboarding with his Daddy later in life. It's in our hands to adjust his feet. He doesn't know it - but he's counting on us to make them better. So on Sunday, August 8th around 9pm, I put on a brave face and watched Michael attach the bar while Levi slept. I waited for the screams - but there was nothing. Maybe the decrease in the angle was making the difference. Maybe Levi has just come to accept this as his norm. Who knows - but in my eyes I have one brave little guy for a son.

Now, I can't say it's been that easy. Levi still gets frustrated. He's not sleeping through the night anymore (yes, he was on an amazing 9am - 5/6am schedule). But relatively speaking, he's doing great. I know he's not going to remember any of this....I think most of the time, I'm the one who has a harder time with it. Hey, you never know. Maybe we have the next Shaun White on our hands.....

I know there were be many times in Levi's life where I will have this feeling of dread...but I'm proud to say that I've overcome the first one. And...the best part of all this hard work - look at his progress!!

Father's Day - June 20th

Hanging out with Mommy - August 10th